Requiem for a Hen
By Daniel | May 28, 2010
For the last 2 years I’ve been packing in the karaoke crowds at country honkytonk Little Red Hen in Greenlake. Billed as “Dangerous Karaoke”, the inference was that the show wasn’t your mama’s karaoke, but a mashup of singalongs, hip hop dance music and lots and lots of alcohol. It’s a place where the 20-something frat crowd can get wild and drink themselves into oblivion.
In fact, I set a new attendance and revenue record there last Fall, which far surpassed anything the place has done in its over 40 year history – including the country bands which play there 5 nights a week.
Interestingly, Little Red Hen is licensed as a restaurant – not a bar – although I think anyone who eats there is rolling the dice. By law, they must have food to serve at all times, which for much of the day consists of canned soup and cold premade sandwiches. (Usually at the end of the night the staff will pick through to find the least soggy one to eat.) But make no mistake, this establishment’s one and only priority is to sell alcohol…particularly on Wednesdays.
I’ve been a professional DJ and karaoke host for over 20 years, appearing at literally thousands of events private and public. I totally understand that alcohol was the reason karaoke was invented. For most people it takes a couple of pops to just get up on stage in front of a couple of hundred people, let alone grab a microphone and sing.
But it’s when an establishment fosters drunk and belligerent behavior among its patrons by its cavalier service of alcohol that the trouble begins. Perhaps even what could be termed by some as “overservice”. It seems just about every week some drunk troublemaker is 86′ed for behavior ranging from groping another customer to starting a fight. Sometimes it’s a full-on brawl complete with police presence. What I found most incredulous was how often those 86′ed individuals were let back in by management because, after all, it’s their alcohol purchases that make the registers ring. To me, it seems that should be secondary to providing a safe environment for their customers.
For your humble karaoke host, with nothing between me and a sea of drunk patrons, Wednesday nights at Little Red Hen increasingly became a nightmare. On a weekly basis I was subjected to countless threats and epithets from inebriated patrons, damage to my gear, willful destruction of my songbooks, drinks thrown at me and near-violent confrontations with stumbling, staggering customers whose time perception was so impaired they would yell in my face how they’d been waiting for “hours” for their song – when they actually only turned in their request 25 minutes ago. (I timestamp all karaoke slips for that reason.)
And while no large group is going to be 100% happy 100% of the time, the fact that I grew the bar’s Wednesday night crowds to new records speaks volumes about my acumen as a professional karaoke host. I’ve never pulled a no-show, always start on time, never had gear break down during my show and give everyone a smile even when they’re cursing in my face. But make no mistake, there is no other show in town where a karaoke host regularly endures such discord from the crowd.
Then last week, to quote that famous sailor man, Popeye. I had to throw up my hands and assert, “That’s all I can stands…and I can’t stands no more!” when a couple of drunk guys who tried to scam the rotation encouraged a couple of drunk female singers to spike the microphone on the stage after their song. As with most karaoke shows, all the gear is not owned by the bar, but by ME, the karaoke host. As usual when this happened, the bar’s bouncers already had their hands full at the door to notice or take any action.
I let management know if they wanted me to continue to be in the line of fire as babysitter for ridiculously drunk frats, they would have to add a stipend of “hazard pay” for the gear I had to frequently get repaired or replaced, as well as compensation for my constant abuse by patrons – which didn’t seem to matter much to management as long as they kept selling drinks.
Because the owner rarely showed up on Wednesday nights, he was no doubt oblivious to the hard work and constant attention required to pull off this show successfully. They opted to roll the dice and bring in another host. To that individual, I wish much luck, tolerance and resolve.
Imagine that! Dangerous Karaoke finally got TOO dangerous. For me!
Two final words:
First, the majority of Little Red Hen’s Wednesday night crowd were there to have fun, not to be rude, belligerent or start fights. Of course it only takes a handful of troublemakers to ruin everyone’s good time. To those who came to see me week after week, I want you to know that I appreciate your support very much.
Second, I’ll be starting two new shows shortly at venues which I believe not only care about the ring of the register but their reputation and the happiness and safety of their employees and customers. All of them. I’ll announce those soon and hope to see lots of my Hen singers there!
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Her mother would be so proud
By Daniel | March 25, 2010
But what does it say about that promoter’s opinion of women – let alone advocating their respect and acceptance – to bait those men with a wet titty contest that’s open to the public?
Really? Is the BBW group that held the event at which this photo was taken about size acceptance, size exploitation or just attracting horny guys and indiscriminate fat girls?
Her mother would be so proud!
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Congrats, fat girls! You too can be cunts!
By Daniel | March 9, 2010
Most people remember Saturday Night Fever as a coming-of-age movie set in the disco era with a lot of Bee Gees music. But it also proved to be a great commentary about growing up and the decisions adults make.
In the movie, the pudgy Annette (Donna Pescow) was upset that Tony (John Travolta) decided to enter the local disco’s dance contest with a different partner. Tony at one time danced with Annette, but the dance she wanted to do was more horizontal. Now taking a more mature attitude – and serious about winning the contest – Tony wants his partner to keep it strictly business.
Annette finds it hard to believe that a guy would be interested in a woman for anything beyond fucking.
Annette: Tony, listen… I’ve been thinking. Maybe I’ll make it with you.
Tony: You call that thinking? Jesus Christ! You’re too much, Annette. If you say we’re going to make it, then we’ll make it? So I have no say?
Annette: It’s time we went out. You wanted to. You told me how horny a man gets at night. His balls ache if he doesn’t get it.
Tony: How do you remember those things? We’re gonna be spending a lot of time together practicing. If we were balling, we’d be going together. I don’t want to go with you. Are you a nice girl or a cunt?
Annette: I don’t know. Both?
Tony: You can’t be both. A girl has to decide early on what she’s going to be.
Later in the movie there’s a dramatic scene after the dance contest where Tony and his new dance partner, Stephanie (Karen Lynn Gorney) win due to nightclub drama. He’s disillusioned that the dancer who was really the best didn’t win. Determined to validate himself, Tony forces himself on Stephanie. Except like Tony told Annette – Stephanie was only interested in keeping things about dancing and didn’t want to hook up with him. She kicks him in the balls and leaves him alone in pain.
Meanwhile Annette has taken a bunch of pills, and in a twisted attempt to prove herself desirable to Tony, decides to take on several of his pals in the back seat of the car. As they drive to Brooklyn’s Verrazano Bridge, several of the guys take turns fucking Annette. They get to the bridge where the gang all get out of the car except for Tony and Annette. We see Annette has now sobered up and is crying in shame over her bad decision thinking taking on all those guys would make Tony jealous and want her.
Tony: Are you proud of yourself, Annette? Is that what you wanted? Good. Now you’re a cunt.
Why do so many BBWs believe the only way to get a man is to present herself as a fuck partner? I know I’m not the only guy who believes there are (1) women you fuck, (2) women you date and (3) women you marry. While I’ve seen some make the leap from (1) to (2) and from (2) to (3), I practically never see a guy whose first contact with a woman be primarily about sex lead to a trip down the aisle.
For men of quality, means and substance to fall in love, they have to respect the woman. I can’t believe BBWs who present themselves as hoochies stumping for applause by shaking their booties in some bar contest or encouraging wolf whistles from having their T-shirts sprayed down with water expect to attract a man who will respect them or want to have any other connection besides one that’s 6″ long. (Or 8″ if they’re lucky!) Don’t BBWs get fucked over enough when it comes to be taken as a serious relationship partner? That’s not size acceptance, that’s fatsploitation of the worst kind and infers that the main attraction for a man to attend a BBW event has to be raw and explicit sex.
Without a doubt, it’s important for a BBW event promoter to encourage as many men as possible to be at their events – especially since guests tend to be mainly female. But what does it say about that promoter’s opinion of women – let alone advocating their respect and acceptance – to bait those men with a wet titty contest that’s open to the public?
Sure, there will be a contingent who, like Annette in “Saturday Night Fever”, will choose the “cunt” route thinking that’s sure to get a man’s attention. But does that help a BBW find a worthy relationship candidate? Or feel empowered? Or even good about themselves? (It doesn’t.)
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NAAFA: Don’t tell my kids they’re fat!
By Daniel | January 29, 2010
In a press release today, the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA) urges Michelle Obama, who has recently announced her intention to focus on childhood obesity prevention, to “consider all the research before taking action and supporting any program that may do more harm than good.”
The release then tosses out more studies which claim the “stigmatization” of large children has increased by 40% over the last 30 years. (What exactly is meant by “stigmatization”? Because I got teased plenty as a fat kid in elementary school 40 years ago.) Another cited study offered said “many drugs being prescribed to children cause weight gain” and that there was “a 40 fold increase in bi-polar diagnoses in children between 1994 and 2003.” (Oh please don’t upset kids with any facts or education about how bad nutrition = unhealthy weight gain = increased risk for certain diseases and health issues…they might go off the deep end!)
But my favorite part of the press release was:
This issue is about the critical need to create environments in which children and adolescents do not feel shame or guilt about their bodies but, rather, are motivated to enjoy healthful eating and active living habits regardless of their body size or shape.
Children and adolescents do not have the experience on earth to make intelligent decisions about their health. It’s common for teens to engage in life-endangering behavior because they have no fear of mortality. Most not only think they’ll live forever, but also don’t understand long term consequences of behaviors they engage in today.
Just like you have to hit a puppy on the nose because they don’t know any better, don’t discount the power of shame and guilt. It sounds like the “progressive” thinking of some educators that issuing grades are bad because children should be rewarded for “trying” rather than achievement.
I know what it’s like to be embarrassed in gym class because I couldn’t climb the rope. It encouraged me to be more conscious of my weight and come to terms that it was preventing me from doing things that everyone else could. I’m not in favor of publicly singling out kids because of their BMI, but private counseling sessions with a school nutritionist? Taking junk food out of schools? What’s wrong with that?
Did you know now that restaurants are legally mandated to post calorie counts for their dishes, they’re finding people are consuming less calories? Knowledge is power! Most kids would be happy consuming a candy bar or two or/and several cans of pop with sugar every day. Educating them on the physical and mental effects of being on a sugar rollercoaster, consuming empty calories and lessening the chance of adolescent-onset diabetes seems like a prudent – not discriminatory – course of action.
The number of kids for whom this consciousness turns into anorexia or unhealthy body image is statistically small, so I resent NAAFA playing that card as the poster child for not being proactive in education and prevention of childhood obesity because someone’s “feelings” will be hurt.
As a size acceptance advocate, I’m going to say something which might be shocking. On the whole, “health at any size” is a feelgood mantra for the obese. Sure, we all know people who are fat and don’t have any health issues. (You might be one of them.) But public health care policy on a national basis? It’s not built on anecdotal evidence, it’s built on large scale studies.
In study after study done by the CDC in cooperation with the nation’s leading hospitals which examine groups of hundreds or thousands who are obese vs. the same number who are height/weight proportionate (HWP) – when they run down the list of diseases brought on by excessive weight: hypoglycemia and diabetes, heart health, cholesterol levels, joint and mobility problems, etc. – the obese group has more red flags. Have we learned nothing from Barney Fife?
Sure, NAAFA’s mission is to promote size acceptance and denounce discrimination of individuals because of their size. But in that zeal, does NAAFA want to categorically claim that obese people as a group are equally healthy as those who are HWP?
Let’s get real!
People who practice good nutrition, exercise often and do not carry excess weight live longer and enjoy a better quality of life. I think that’s a great lesson to be taught to everyone, but particularly for kids who don’t know or don’t care that healthy practices at age 8 or 10 or 15 is not only a great thing to learn – but instills a desire to keep active and fit.
Don’t get me started on the rise in health care costs due to increased incidence of obesity-related diseases. Should the government turn a blind eye to something which is totally preventable through education?
Once you’re an adult and can make educated choices? Be as fat as you want! (How many smokers know all the health risks and CHOOSE to smoke? Why do you think they are not legally given that choice until age 21?) But at least it can’t be said that those adults didn’t make a conscious decision despite knowing the risks (and possible results) that behavior brings.
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Don’t cry for me, San Francisco
By Daniel | January 25, 2010
Seems that the bad word-of-mouth, drama and various spurned lovers around the country have finally caught up with San Francisco plus-size promoter Big Boogie Nights, as its founder Darren Battle (a/k/a DJ Zulu) has thrown in the towel. From a statement on his website:
Though we are a party promotion, it isn’t easy to keep your numbers up as venues have one thing in mind regarding promotions: MONEY! If the venue doesn’t make what it needs to make then they aren’t interested in you anymore. While we’ve had successful partnerships with several locations starting with Main Street Tavern and ending with Crowne Plaza Hotel in Concord we realize it’s a business first.
Many hotels we’ve used have remodeled so that it’s not compatible for us anymore. Most hotels that had adjacent nightclubs that are of a major chain have been dictated to remove clubs from their premises due to the increase in insurance. The days of hotel nightclubs are ending and because many of our patrons that come to BBN require hotels, it has been hard for us to secure a venue that will fit our needs. Several nightclubs have approached us about moving our promotion there, but with the bar guarantee requirements and the lack of parking and hotels, we didn’t feel we could get the numbers we needed for it to be a success.
So we are a promotion and party family without and home and not a foreseeable anytime soon. Because of that and my relocation back to the East Coast, I regret to inform you that we are suspending operations of Big Boogie Nights.
No one knows more than me that it takes money to keep bar venues interested in your promotion. It’s how MANY people you can get through the door, how MUCH can you make the register ring, and how LITTLE drama goes along with it. From the dozens of people who’ve emailed me since I started writing about Big Boogie Nights (including several who made public comments) it seems that the latter might have been the actual cause of death.
But it also has to do with respect. Darren Battle’s personal ties to the sex and fetish communities were decidedly not in the best interest of “size acceptance” (why is an adjacent motel mandatory to the success of a BBW party) but perhaps more toward the goal of keeping his pants occupied. Fat chicks deal with enough unwanted sexual come-ons; ostensibly a promoter seeking to open minds and change those attitudes wouldn’t be one of the perpetrators.
Big People Promotions will continue and some will be a success. Many have started in the Bay Area after Big Boogie Nights, some because they felt there was another need, some because they were malicious. Many didn’t last, a few stayed because they were motivated and dedicated for the right reasons.
Over the years, I’ve also seen BBW groups started for all kinds of reasons. Women who’ll plan a few bar get-togethers and then as soon as they get a boyfriend of their own, they lose enthusiasm. Or members of an existing group who decide they don’t like the way that group is being run, and start their own. That is until they find out that any benefit to their ego isn’t worth all the actual work, and that organizers rarely get to “party” at their own party.
I might have felt better about Mr. Battle’s efforts (he did get significant press for plus-size parties) if he wasn’t so “my way or the highway” – the haughtiness he expressed during his few Northwest events. It didn’t matter what music the crowd wanted to enjoy, Zulu was here for Zulu. If you didn’t like it, then you weren’t supporting “the community”. (Not to mention Battle’s abrupt abandonment and disavowal of those Seattle locals who supported and promoted his events.)
Best of luck to the other Bay Area promotions still going strong, including Full Figure Entertainment and Sexy At Any Size – who apparently aren’t having trouble finding a venue and attracting a crowd.
Oh and speaking of music, I practically snorted coffee through my nose when the other day I read one BBW club promoter’s message to his group which said (sic), “Get it thru your Block head the Music Played isnt alway to your Liking.” Oh yeah, that really makes me want to go party with them.
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